they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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