dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
