i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
