this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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