I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
