oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
