He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
