You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
