yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were destined to go to rehab together
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
