AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
