i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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