I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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