It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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