Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
