remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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