Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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