Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
