carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
