This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
