I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
