Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
