i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
