if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
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don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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