its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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