be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
