Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
