You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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