You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
