we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
