just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
