some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
