false alarm. still invincible.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
