so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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