So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
