So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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