How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
