I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
