How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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