I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I touched a dick in church today
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
