11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
