Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
