He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Come share oat with me in your robe
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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