I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
