I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
