Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
