Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Boobs speak an international language.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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