He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
