it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
