so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
