omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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