he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize