I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
