Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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