Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
