She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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