Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
