Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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