dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize