I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
