One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I party with great urgency now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
