Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
