this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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