i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
