It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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