Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
