I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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