Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
