dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
