You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
