The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
