I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
