i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
