This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
